Trying to work on a new fan fiction story

edited July 2015 in Fan Fiction

I want to mention to you that I have been trying to work on a new Secret of NIMH fan fiction story with the many ideas that I have including some that I have dreamed up. The story takes place some days after the events of the Secret of NIMH when Timothy Brisby is on the mend from his bouts of pneumonia and Mrs. Brisby allows him to go outside for the first time since he came down with pneumonia. In this story, Timothy Brisby is still wearing his over-sized green shirt as he goes outside to play and explore the new location his family is in since the cinderblock home has been moved. While exploring around outside, the ground suddenly starts shaking (or the sky suddenly begins turning dark with it becoming really dark outside). This causes Timothy with his brother and sisters to become scared and head quickly back to the cinderblock home.

Upon entering the cinderblock home, the ground stops shaking as the Brisby Children start to wonder where their mother Mrs. Brisby is as they don't immediately see her. As Timothy goes upstairs to look for her, he finds her laying on the floor like she had collapsed and rushes over to her to try to find out what happened to her. He finds Mrs. Brisby is still alive as she wakes up in a weakened state and tells him that something attacked and weakened her right after the darkness settled in. She doesn't know what, but tells him that he should try to seek the great owl and find out what is going on. Timothy agrees to make the journey for her sake as Teresa comes up the stairs followed by Cynthia and Martin and notices something had happened to Mrs. Brisby. While Teresa and Cynthia go over to tend to her, Martin asks what is going on. Timothy answers by telling him Mrs. Brisby has told him that he should go see the great owl, which gets Martin to respond by telling Timothy that he will be coming along with him to make sure he is safe.

They soon leave to go to the woods where the great owl's tree is. Sometime later, they arrive at the great owl's tree and climb up it to the great owl's den where the great owl is. Timothy and Martin end up meeting with the great owl in a similar way that Mrs. Brisby did, except with the great owl referring to them as sons of Jonathan Brisby's widow. The great owl tells them there seems to be evil afoot, but he is unsure of what is going on as it seems to be not of this world. Even though he doesn't know where it would be considered safe to go, he suggests to them to have Jonathan Brisby's widow make preparations to leave their home and then gives a cryptic-like message saying, "a sword wields no strength unless the hand that holds it has courage. You must find and use your courage to seek power, and find it you must. Only then will you be able to face this evil" before telling them to now leave, he must slumber. Afterwards, Timothy and Martin leave the great owl's den and travel back to the cinderblock home.

A long while later, they return to the cinderblock home and go inside it. Timothy and Martin find their mother resting somewhere with Teresa and Cynthia nearby and tell her what the great owl has said about her making preparations to leave. Mrs. Brisby decides that it would be a good idea to do just that and has the four children head down into a hidden tunnel that was created by the rats and goes down underground while she gathers up the things they want to bring with them. After gathering up their stuff, they head further down the tunnel and soon discover a hidden chamber that was likely also created by the rats. In it, they discover some kind of device with rings on it similar to the magical viewing device in Nicodemus's chamber, but appears to have been activated and opened a way to a new world. As Mrs. Brisby and her children look at it to the new world, they notice it looking peaceful and decide to send the cart of their stuff through followed by themselves.

They end up in the world of my original characters including my kid characters, Erik and Alice Todd. Even though they will eventually make their way to an anthropomorphic mouse village and find a place to stay there since they are unable to return to their own world and home due to what has happened there, I've run into some difficulties that caused me to look at it from an Erik and Alice into the NIMHverse view. The difficulties that I have arise from a situation later in the story where the group finds a lonely kid who goes by the name of Jerrin who had lost his friends he is with. Since I have decided that Jerrin is or was involved with a group of kids and sector treehouse like the Kids Next Door, I can't seem to figure out whether Erik and Alice Todd's world is to be a world that has automobiles or a world with horse drawn carriages. The reason is because the ideas I have are of many unexplored locations and mysteries that would make a world with horse drawn carriages more suitable, but on the other hand the Kids Next Door related ideas seem more suitable with a world that has automobiles. Not sure if anyone here is able to help me out with this one and world be willing to assist me.

Anyway, some of my other original characters are an elf girl by the name of Lindsey and a family of foxes that consists of a mother fox who is Suzette and has four children with the names of Kane, Katy, Taru, and Tana who know and practice different skills. They will most likely show and soon join the group. I also have ideas where Timothy meets a light bunny spirit by the name of Jennie (based from a Superpoke Pet that I had) where she tells of different things that are happening and what may have happened to her while saying to Timothy and Martin, "O brave youths... I am the spirit of light who dwells here to protect this forest. I am Jennie. Please be careful, these woods have changed. The darkness is slowly covering this land and reducing it to a place where the dark ones and evil creatures dwell, and ruled by the cursed powers of darkness. The blight will not stop here. Before long, the entire universe of light will fall into the hands of the king who rules the darkness. To begin saving this land from the king of darkness, my lost light must be retrieved and recovered from the dark beasts that have stolen it. There is but one who can retrieve it and redeem this land... You. You still have not discovered your true power, the power of Jonathan Brisby that rests within you and is beginning to awaken. His power is yours and is the true power that sleeps within you and your brother Martin because you are both his male descendants.", which seems to get Martin to want to look after Timothy more.

Also, since they are coming into a world with kid characters, I also have thoughts of something happening where Mrs. Brisby end up having to become human, in which they would be similar to this artwork that I have found. With all these ideas and possibly more, and the difficulties I have, I just wonder if I would be able to get any assistance here or not.

Comments

  • It looks like you got your concepts pretty well worked out. I don’t know how many other details you’ve got down, like the origin of the secret chamber and the magical rings and if they’re associated with Nicodemus’s bag of tricks, but you might want to work those out before you get too far into it. At least that’s what I’d do. Also what Jonathan (apparently) had to do with your otherdimensional world and how those people know of him.

    With the details you’ve already given, it looks like this world might work better as more medieval than modern. Of course, any final decision you make is yours, so maybe you should just forge ahead and start the actual writing, or at least a detailed synopsis, and see if it feels like you’re on the right track.

  • @DavidLeemhuis said: It looks like you got your concepts pretty well worked out. I don’t know how many other details you’ve got down, like the origin of the secret chamber and the magical rings and if they’re associated with Nicodemus’s bag of tricks, but you might want to work those out before you get too far into it. At least that’s what I’d do.

    Right now, I have nothing down regarding the origin of the secret chamber located under the Brisby Cinderblock Home other than thoughts of being associated with Nicodemus's bag of tricks. I only came up with the idea because I needed someway for the Brisby Family to end up in the world of Erik and Alice Todd. Maybe more thoughts need to be put on the secret chamber.

    @DavidLeemhuis said: Also what Jonathan (apparently) had to do with your other dimensional world and how those people know of him.

    Whoops, I didn't think clearly on the placement of Jennie in the story, and probably will have to rethink and redo what her speech to Timothy/Martin is.

    @DavidLeemhuis said: With the details you’ve already given, it looks like this world might work better as more medieval than modern. Of course, any final decision you make is yours, so maybe you should just forge ahead and start the actual writing, or at least a detailed synopsis, and see if it feels like you’re on the right track.

    I thought about the world of Erik and Alice Todd being medieval, but felt I had a problem with it clashing with the modern tech that Jerrin would likely have with his clubhouse and wasn't sure what to do. It is there where I am having the most difficult with this.

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