The top 10 hawtest NIMH characters!

edited July 2015 in Main

Everybody loves top ten lists, except when people don't like top ten lists, in which case some people are not everybody. If you're not everybody, you might want to get that checked out. In the meantime, for the rest of the human population, I present to you a top ten list of characters from the movie of NIMH put together in the order based off of hawtness. And yes, I spelled 'hot' as 'hawt' because I'm a monster. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the top 10 hawtest NIMH characters! Just don't enjoy it that much...you know what I mean.

10 Jenner

Let's all agree on one thing here, when you see a man with bushy eyebrows that aren't attached to their body clench their fist as if to put it....places....you are dealing with something hawt. You're dealing with a man who smells opportunities and takes them....places....With his stuck out chin, sharp teeth, and demon eyes, Jenner is the man with the plan....actually he hates the plan...

9 Justin

Imagine Jenner without the Enner and replaced with Ustin...you've just imagined Justin. He's alright I guess? While obviously not as hawt as Jenner, he does have his moments. #TeamJenner

8 Jenner

We don't see a lot of Jenner on this list, but here's Jenner. He opens his mouth nice and wide so he can fit in a lot of stuff in there. He's man enough to take a sharp object to the back side of him. I don't see Justin doing that. He's the man with the plan who hates the plan. #TeamJenner

7 Brutus

That spear, man! You can't go wrong with that. It's nice and long and electric, perfect to get that feeling of love you can't get anywhere else. His strong, muscular body and lack of irises would make him a great partner for anyone willing to put long hard things in their back side. I bet Jenner and Brutus would make a great couple. #TeamJenner

6 Auntie Shrew

Oh, Auntie Shrew! Oh, Auntie! Oh yes!

5 Val Kilmer

The popular philosopher Aristotle once said "the whole is more than the sum of its parts". I just wanted to say something smart in this topic for once, so I quoted an intelligent man. But, you're going to want the whole of Val Kilmer, which includes his parts. The guy who played the Batman, Val Kilmer needs no introduction. That salty blond hair, that smile. One look and you'll want the whole thing. I honestly don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help me. Please. #TeamJenner

4 Jenner

You are beautiful...No matter what they say! Words can't bring you down!

3 Nicodemus

I don't know. Help me. Please. I'm really ill. Help. #TeamJenner

2 Mr. Ages

Help! I need somebody! Help! Not just anybody! Help! You know I need someone! HELP! #TeamJenner

1 FREAKIN' JENNER

We are beautiful in every single way! Yes, words can't bring us down! Oh, no! So don't you bring me down today! Everywhere we go the sun will always shine!

Please help me.

Comments

  • Well, it was nice and sunny today. Does that help?

  • @DavidLeemhuis said: Well, it was nice and sunny today. Does that help?

    With Jenner, everywhere we go, the sun will always shine.

    To put context to the silliness, I'm poking fun of the internet's love of top 10 lists, hashtag culture, and need to make joke personalities. Top 10 lists don't garner much discussion beyond "I disagree with suchandsuch choice" or "you're wrong" so I find them silly. Hashtag culture is...well...hashtag culture..there's no context beyond a word or phrase. As for the last thing, too many people make their personalities into jokes instead of showing who they truly are. Funny is only one way to impress people.

    NOW you could say that this isn't really satire and I'm just being the thing I'm trying to satirize and you're probably right, but I had fun looking at Jenner's clenched fist. I don't think there's a way, IMHO, that a top 10 list could come off as anything but silly things listed in a random order so I presented it in its purest form.

    And I find it funny that Justin's picture got messed up. #TeamJenner

  • HeHe, this made me laugh. You chose the ugliest pictures of Jenner you could find, the ones with his creepy eyes coming up to the viewer's face, and his face all contorted when he's about to attack, and you can see all his ugly teeth. There's always a character in an awkward pose in animation shots.

    I've noticed a huge increase in popularity in top ten lists. I think it might have started with cracked.com, which has a lot of top 10 lists.

    They're popular because they're easy to read. To be perfectly honest, I sometimes just read the look at the pictures and read the headings, not the actual text below unless it's something I'm interested in.

    They're easy to write too. You don't have to split your ideas into paragraphs and wonder when to hit the space bar. You can organize them by list instead.

    It's especially annoying when they only show one number at a time, and you have to hit the next button to see the next page, so you can see another page of ads.

    Most top 10 lists have no effort behind them. Sometimes, they aren't even original writing, people just copy and re-paste what someone else has written.

    Or they're disguised as an ad, like the "7 best cleaning products." Or they try to use shock value. "7 Facts you won't believe!" Yes, you will believe, because these same facts have been copied pasted to about a thousand other sites.

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